11/9/05 Studying for Java
I'm taking a quick break from studying, I'm at network services all by myself at 9:30 at night, kinda creepy... I have to pull atleast a 75 on this exam tomorrow, and it's not looking to good. I'm pulling an all-nighter in hopes that somehow this material will get absorbed into my head.
It's official, I'm losing my hair. I would say that the last six months It's been falling out little by little and I just kept telling myself it's just because the seasons are changing and I'm just shedding a little bit, hah. I need to thank my Dad for giving me a bad DCDC2 (Dyslexia) gene as well as the whole hair loss problem, eeehhh, not to mention the history of mental problems on both sides. It's a beautiful thing, you gatta take the good with the bad. We all can't be Duggie Houser.
My motivation to study right now is to of course not fail the course but also I keep telling myself the reward will be the WEEKEND when you can finish the four-wheeler, ride your bike, run, binge on chinese food, work on the twinkie, do the things that I WANT to do. I am so fucking sick of school, and yet it's a requirement of life, you have to do it or you'll be a nobody, a mumbling turd walking the streets.
I was feeling so fucked up last night, went for a nice long run and poof... the world seemed right. I love the mindset running puts me in, total deep thought, levels of conciousnes I did'nt even know I was capable of. I ran from my twinkie house up and around the university and back... it was awesome. I'm getting really nervous on whether I can finish the marathon in atlanta. What if I shit myself half way through the race and have to drop out ? I dunno. I don't even know why I'm doing this fucking thing, just kinda fell into place. I mean. I love running, so why not run a marathon ? fucken a' man.
Whent Kate called me up drunk a few weeks ago and told me that Kelly told her that there was a time when she felt like I liked her more than she was able to like me, that fucking hurt. If it's the truth, so be it. On the other hand, Kate said that she's never seen Kelly act like she does around me and that she *did* break down and start loving me a few weeks before she left. It doesn't matter. Women are unpredictable.
Sometimes I feel like our situation is like Nicolas Cage's movie "The Family Man". He chose a different path in life, not neccesarily a bad route, the "money" route. The guy gets a glimpse of his life if he had chose the "family" route and he yurns for that life but he can't have it. Kelly chose a selfless life in Mozambique to serve humanity over everything else. I have to respect her for that. Afterall, this was something years in the making, WAY before she met me. I wish she would have cut me off before she left, even if it were a lie. Would things be better that way ? I wouldn't hurt so much, I would have eventually gotten over her and found someone else and would always wonder and have "what ifs" the rest of my life, but, atleast my heart wouldn't ache like it does now. Things happen for a reason. I'm waiting for her for a reason. I honestly feel like she's my soul-mate and that I could spend the rest of my life with her, I knew that the day I met her. Blahhhhh ok, back to studying.
It's official, I'm losing my hair. I would say that the last six months It's been falling out little by little and I just kept telling myself it's just because the seasons are changing and I'm just shedding a little bit, hah. I need to thank my Dad for giving me a bad DCDC2 (Dyslexia) gene as well as the whole hair loss problem, eeehhh, not to mention the history of mental problems on both sides. It's a beautiful thing, you gatta take the good with the bad. We all can't be Duggie Houser.
My motivation to study right now is to of course not fail the course but also I keep telling myself the reward will be the WEEKEND when you can finish the four-wheeler, ride your bike, run, binge on chinese food, work on the twinkie, do the things that I WANT to do. I am so fucking sick of school, and yet it's a requirement of life, you have to do it or you'll be a nobody, a mumbling turd walking the streets.
I was feeling so fucked up last night, went for a nice long run and poof... the world seemed right. I love the mindset running puts me in, total deep thought, levels of conciousnes I did'nt even know I was capable of. I ran from my twinkie house up and around the university and back... it was awesome. I'm getting really nervous on whether I can finish the marathon in atlanta. What if I shit myself half way through the race and have to drop out ? I dunno. I don't even know why I'm doing this fucking thing, just kinda fell into place. I mean. I love running, so why not run a marathon ? fucken a' man.
Whent Kate called me up drunk a few weeks ago and told me that Kelly told her that there was a time when she felt like I liked her more than she was able to like me, that fucking hurt. If it's the truth, so be it. On the other hand, Kate said that she's never seen Kelly act like she does around me and that she *did* break down and start loving me a few weeks before she left. It doesn't matter. Women are unpredictable.
Sometimes I feel like our situation is like Nicolas Cage's movie "The Family Man". He chose a different path in life, not neccesarily a bad route, the "money" route. The guy gets a glimpse of his life if he had chose the "family" route and he yurns for that life but he can't have it. Kelly chose a selfless life in Mozambique to serve humanity over everything else. I have to respect her for that. Afterall, this was something years in the making, WAY before she met me. I wish she would have cut me off before she left, even if it were a lie. Would things be better that way ? I wouldn't hurt so much, I would have eventually gotten over her and found someone else and would always wonder and have "what ifs" the rest of my life, but, atleast my heart wouldn't ache like it does now. Things happen for a reason. I'm waiting for her for a reason. I honestly feel like she's my soul-mate and that I could spend the rest of my life with her, I knew that the day I met her. Blahhhhh ok, back to studying.
posted by honkyusa at 7:33 PM
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