04/18/06
I don't know what to think anymore... My feelings for Kelly have somehow changed, I don't feel that burning desire to be with her anymore. Something has definitely changed. that e-mail I got today was like an empty shell of crap The "hi", "how are you's ", "this is what I'm doing", "blahhh, blahhh, blahhh"... What happened ? I used to get mind blowing emails from her. I'm moving on... I wish I could forget about her like she's forgotten about me. I lasted almost a year, totally devoted, waiting for the day we could be together. I give up. Nothing really left inside of me.
Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid. For me to think that everything would work out in the end was wishful thinking and very far from reality.
Interesting. The way I feel for Kelly is the way Sammy feels for me. Kelly can't love me for whatever reasons and I can't return my love for Sammy because it's just not in the cards for us to be together. I've officially given up. Kelly and I had a nice run, but it's ending. I don't need to goto Moz to figure that out. The last year or so, for whatever reason has completely sucked the life out of me. I keep telling myself that tomorrow is a new day, but even self pep talk crap is getting old. It's time to make some major decisions because I am NOT happy. Changes need to be made... where though? Why the fuck am I so lazy ? or is it just the fact that I have tons of shit on my plate and when things don't get done I say I'm just being lazy. No, I'm just lazy.
Yes indeed, everything happens for a reason. Bailey died for a reason, quite possibly to trigger the events that are happening to me as I type this. Maybe she died to knock me out of la la land and force me to focus on the "now".
All I want out of life is happiness. That being: finding someone for me, eventually starting a family, being successful with whatever I wind up doing.
Going to Eufaula for Easter did me NO good, the only good that came of that was playing with my nephews. I look at my fam and see depression, mental illness, rivalry, hatred. That's exactly why I don't go down there, it's just a bunch of shit. That household is evil and it rubs off on me just by visiting that place.
I've got to figure out my course of action on Assembly & Programming Languages. Do I pull a WF on both of them and try it again during the summer or do I try and stick it through to the end and possibly get a D in each class. What to do, what to do.
All I know is that I've got to get rid of this picture of Kell on my desk, does me no good. I need to endure through the Fall semester with ENS and gracefully find something else to do. Let Steve's son in the door. I feel that pressure of " I wish you would leave, but I've got to be politically correct". This job, I love it, I absolutely hate it. I've learned quite a bit here and I have lots of perks just for working here but at the same time it sucks,
Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid. For me to think that everything would work out in the end was wishful thinking and very far from reality.
Interesting. The way I feel for Kelly is the way Sammy feels for me. Kelly can't love me for whatever reasons and I can't return my love for Sammy because it's just not in the cards for us to be together. I've officially given up. Kelly and I had a nice run, but it's ending. I don't need to goto Moz to figure that out. The last year or so, for whatever reason has completely sucked the life out of me. I keep telling myself that tomorrow is a new day, but even self pep talk crap is getting old. It's time to make some major decisions because I am NOT happy. Changes need to be made... where though? Why the fuck am I so lazy ? or is it just the fact that I have tons of shit on my plate and when things don't get done I say I'm just being lazy. No, I'm just lazy.
Yes indeed, everything happens for a reason. Bailey died for a reason, quite possibly to trigger the events that are happening to me as I type this. Maybe she died to knock me out of la la land and force me to focus on the "now".
All I want out of life is happiness. That being: finding someone for me, eventually starting a family, being successful with whatever I wind up doing.
Going to Eufaula for Easter did me NO good, the only good that came of that was playing with my nephews. I look at my fam and see depression, mental illness, rivalry, hatred. That's exactly why I don't go down there, it's just a bunch of shit. That household is evil and it rubs off on me just by visiting that place.
I've got to figure out my course of action on Assembly & Programming Languages. Do I pull a WF on both of them and try it again during the summer or do I try and stick it through to the end and possibly get a D in each class. What to do, what to do.
All I know is that I've got to get rid of this picture of Kell on my desk, does me no good. I need to endure through the Fall semester with ENS and gracefully find something else to do. Let Steve's son in the door. I feel that pressure of " I wish you would leave, but I've got to be politically correct". This job, I love it, I absolutely hate it. I've learned quite a bit here and I have lots of perks just for working here but at the same time it sucks,
posted by honkyusa at 7:29 PM
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